Have you ever had the experience of not knowing what to do or say to a friend who’s going through a bad time? You can’t think of anything helpful to say or do. Your mind is blank and your hands flutter by your side like birds in a net.

Do you remember the last time you saw someone care for a child who had hurt themselves? Or maybe remember back to when you were a child. What did the comforting person do? They said, “oh you poor thing,” and “Come sit by me and you can cuddle until you feel better” or “I’ll get a bandaid” or “how about I kiss it better.” Why is that so powerful? Do cuddles, or bandaids or kisses actually make the hurt go away? Well no. But something about the exchange provided comfort, and that was the attitude of mastery adopted by the adult. If they were to limit themselves to what was strictly true or what would actually fix things, they’d only be able to say things like, “crying doesn’t make it better” and “do you want some painkillers?”

Though bandaids and kisses are a kind of elaborate lie, a child given this care will feel better because the right attitude of sympathy, calm and mastery tells them that someone else is prepared to take responsibility for them and their wellbeing for a bit.

It’s what we do in dance. We take care of the dance experience for the audience. And it’s not what you do, or the truth or purpose of what you do. It’s how you do it; with calm and mastery. Every movement can be as much a fantasy as the idea that bandaids fix bruises, but if you deliver it with the calm and compassion of a parent comforting a child, it will be exactly right.